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The FanFiction Oscars
By Carna {Author}
The FanFiction Oscars
Carna - Awards Host
Dimitri The CoconutPirate
Special Announcer
Hey folks, welcome to the cupboard under the stairs for the 1st Annual - FANFICTION OSCARS
(crowd stands up and cheers)
Thank you! Thank you! Now please, sit the fuck down!
(crowd is silent and crickets chirp)
Ahem, before we begin the Awards Ceremony - lets give a round of applause for my co-host Dimitri! The Coconut Pirate!!!
(crowd erupts into a frenzy, chants of "Dimitri!" are everywhere)
And there he is now!
(shot of a small coconut being escorted by pornstars to the stage)
Eh, Wussup everyone? Just got done with them hoez a second ago. Lets get this shit goin.
(Carna gently kicks the Coconut)
We're on Live TV! Don't curse.
Fuck you! This economy sucks anyway. There's no rules - just some guy named President who chokes on pretzels!
Anyways, let me introduce our first presenter...Lets hear it, for Britney Spears!!
(crowd cheers)
(Britney walks on stage)
Thank you everyone, the nomine-
Ehhh, your tits are fake!
Excuse me?!
You heard me - let us see if your tits are fa-
(Carna punches Dimitri)
Ow! Carna, you hurt me deep man. You hurt me real deep.
BEST DESCRIPTIONS
TOTAL CONSCIENCE JPLuNaTiC
I would have chosen the same thing. JPLuNaTiC did a fantastic job of describing things in his crime-thriller Total Conscience.
Runner up was Dark Dawn by Vader, the sequel to the super-successful Leviathans story.
Our next presenter....Michael Jackson!
(crowd cheers)
(Michael Jackson moonwalks to the podium)
Hello kind people. Before I present the award for Best Dialogue, let me just say I AM BLACK!
(crowd laughs)
(Michael cries, opens the envelope)
BEST DIALOGUE
MY PERFECT LIFE Bob Klein
Well, that selection is not bad, but I was pullin for my pal AG5 with Broken Silence.
Suck mah dick bitch, that story ruled ass. Broken Silence was second anyways
Find your dick first, Shamu...Whoops, and our next award will be presented by none-other-than Keanu Reeves!
(crowd cheers)
Hey
(people stare blankly at him)
OK! Im...sucky...actor
(crowd cheers)
Present the award - you embaressment.
Ok.
BEST ACTION SEQUENCE
GIGA vs REX, LEVIATHANS Vader
Eh, that police death in Total Conscience was superb.
I have to agree. Let's just announce the award ourselves - those special guests suck.
I agree
BEST SERIES
DANSJP3PAGE:THE MOVIE EvilGrinch
Grinchy won this, deservedly so.
Grinchy? What are you? His lover? Anyways...there were plenty of good selections in that category - I was pullin for Bens Series though
Ok, next award.
BEST SPECIAL EDITION
DEATH HAS NO REGRET Icebreaker
It won the award by a mile. I did enjoy Leviathans alot also.
Everyone else was tied for second
Let's continue....
BEST SUPPORTING CHARACTER
HENRY WU, JUST ADD WATER Carna
YAY! My first award! Icebreakers Thomas Gordon creation was a close second.
Eh, who gives a shit
I've had enough of you!
(Carna lines up for the field goal)
Its good enough...Its straight enough...ITS GOOD! Carna wins!
(a distant Dimitri says "Im gonna get you fucker")
Hmm, our first big award is coming up
BEST CHARACTER
JAKE GRAVISON, DEATH HAS NO REGRET Icebreaker
Orlando lost by one vote. Eh, he's still kickass in my book. These awards are almost wrapped up...
BEST UPCOMING AUTHOR
CARNA
Dark Element placed second. Wow, what an honor - I won a prestigous award. Thank you all who believe I'll be getting somewhere. Lets see who's the sites best author shall we?
BEST AUTHOR
ICEBREAKER
Kudos to Ice on this one. He beat out some very tough competition. Vader, the likely concensous pick, was second.
BEST SCREENPLAY
MY PERFECT LIFE Bob Klein
Eh, the obvious. LoL. My Perfect Life is a gem - Jclaw was a distant second. Ok, we're in the more prestegious categories now
BEST ORIGINAL STORY
My Perfect Life Bob Klein
Well, Hunters Chronicles was my pick - but apparently enough people havent read it. Either way, very tough category. MegLives! story placed second though. Next award...
BEST JP FANFICTION
ORIGIN Icebreaker
Ice does it again - in stunning fashion as he blew out the competition. Yvonnes New Beginnings novel was second.
AND NOW....THE FINAL AWARD...
BEST OVERALL STORY
ORIGIN Icebreaker
Wow, Ice has his work cut out for him - he really stepped up in these awards when it mattered most. Bob Kleins My Perfect Life and Raptorhiss' The Sun Wont Rise were also close.
WELL LADIES AND GENTLEMAN, THANK YOU ALL FOR JOINING US FOR THE 1ST ANNUAL "FANFICTION OSCARS". THIS IS CARNA, AND I'LL SEE YOU NEXT TIME!"
(a brown furrey thing is seen flying through the air towards Carna with a sharp object on its side)
ARG MATEY!!DIE HEFFER!!!
AHHHHHH!!!!!!!
(blank screen)
Special thanks to -
Bob: For allowing me to use his copyrighted Dimitri the Coconut Pirate
Fans: For voting
Ice: For assisting me greatly.
7/24/2002 9:21:23 PM
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